Marriage can be hard. We all know it is NOT what we see in Disney movies. Your knight in shinning armor typically does not come riding in on a white horse to save the day and treat you like a princess forever and worship the ground you walk on. There may be some who would disagree with me but for most of us, that is just not the case.
Remember why you fell in love in the first place
Most of us met our spouse in high school or college maybe even work. We think they are cute or handsome and they think the same thing about us. We begin to flirt and talk and of course they are smart, funny, and can do no wrong.
We are smitten. It’s like fishing and we have swallowed the hook! He is “Mr. Right” and we think about him all the time. We write his name everywhere. We secretly write our first name with his last name just to see how it sounds and looks. We daydream about how wonderful our lives will be with him. We imagine that we will have nice homes, nice cars, nice clothes, beautiful children, go on amazing vacations and have a perfect life because, let’s face it, he is “perfect”.
Do you remember those days? Remember when they could do no wrong?
Look for the good in your marriage
None of us are perfect. As much as we may try to paint that picture of the perfect life on social media, it’s just not true. We all have our problems and our faults. Read 6 things to do when you feel like giving up for more encouragement.
I will admit, sometimes looking for the good is hard. Start small if you have to. Maybe you start out with, he works. He takes a shower every day. He doesn’t beat me. I mean seriously, look for anything at all that you can put in the “good” column.
It may take a few days to come up with a decent list and even after a few days maybe all you can come up with is one or two things. Start with that!
Don’t complain about your marriage
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4:29
Don’t complain about him to your friends, your family or to him. I know this can be hard, especially when we feel justified in our feelings of resentment, bitterness or anger. After all, he did ‘this and this’ so I should feel mad.
Nope. You should feel love. Love includes grace, mercy and forgiveness. God showed all of these things to us when He saved us and still does EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Who are we to not show that same kind of love to our spouse?
I’m actually reading a book now that talks about how love is patience and kindness is love in action. I’m not gonna lie, sometimes showing patience, kindness, grace, mercy and forgiveness can seem like too much! Keep trying, it will be worth it!
Open the door to communication in your marriage
As crazy as it sounds, your spouse may not even realize why you are mad or that you even are! Sometimes people just get so caught up in the day to day effort it takes to live and their responsibilities that they stop doing the little things. Now I don’t mean go to your spouse with ‘hat in hand’ like you’ve done something wrong or you are groveling at their feet. But go to your spouse and tell them you would like to talk.
Maybe you can just start talking about a completely different subject and ease into what’s bothering you. When my husband and I were going through a particularly tough time in our marriage I started out just asking him about his day. Consistently, every day I would ask him how his day was and I would stop what I was doing and listen.
That did not immediately solve all of our problems but it was a start. He could tell that I was genuinely interested in his day. Did it hurt my feelings when he didn’t do the same? Yep. But, it was a start and things started getting a little better.
Pray for your spouse and your marriage
I know what you are thinking. It’s either, “Duh, of course I’m praying” or “I tried and it doesn’t work”.
This sounds mean but I have even told God the I am tired of “babysitting” my husband in prayer. It’s like, come on, he has got to grow up I need to be praying about a ton of other things and I’m tired of praying about the same thing over and over! I’ve wanted to pull my hair out!!
Then, God reminded me of this, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” Ephesians 6:12. This makes me feel better because it reminds me my battle is not really with my husband. It’s against the devil and his demons.
Keep praying! I have read the book The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian and I highly recommend it. It helps you to pray for so many different areas of his life and it will change your marriage.
You may have seen paintings or pictures of the verse Corinthians 14:4-8 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
When you want to give up on your marriage because the pain is just too much, you feel like you have been neglected, taken for granted, maybe emotionally abused I get it. I have looked at the sky and questioned God and His word when He said “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”. REALLY?!! This is Your will for me and I’m supposed to be thankful?!!
Thank God, He is merciful and slow to anger! But you know what? I am thankful. Because as bad as it has been at times in our marriage and as much as I may have wanted to leave a times, I realize that those times don’t last forever. When I really think rationally about my marriage and guys I dated before I met my husband, I can see why God chose him. I honestly can’t imagine anyone else being as good for me as my husband.
Be thankful for your marriage
I haven’t always felt that way. But the circumstances I’ve experienced have brought me closer to God. It has strengthened my faith. My children have been able to see first hand that you don’t just give up and walk away when things aren’t going your way.
Has it been easy? (seriously laughing face!). HECK NO! At the end of the day do I love my husband? Yes. Am I glad I have stayed? Yes. Do I have peace over that decision? Absolutely
Above all I trust God and His plan. I trust His love for me and my family. You can too, you can trust God’s heart. Joshua 1:9 says “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”
So while you are walking through this valley remember God is with you! You don’t have to be afraid or discouraged! God is with you through this. He sees you, He knows you and He catches every tear you are crying.
Before you decide on leaving your marriage try these 4 things. Be honest with God, He can take it! Ask Him to give you something to hold on to. Pray like you have never prayed before. I truly believe it will make a difference and you will be glad you did!
I’m not promising that your husband will turn into Prince Charming over night. He may not change his ways, God does give us a free will. But I truly believe with all my heart that regardless of whether or not your husband changes, God is listening to your prayers. God hears you and when are seeking God’s will, trusting Him and believing in Him then God will give you His peace that passes all understanding.
God WILL help you through this. I know because He helped me! He still does, every single day.
Be blessed, be faithful and live fearless!
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