How to love your husband when marriage is hard
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Do you remember when you first fell in love with your husband? Your wedding day was filled with love and happy memories, right? So how are you supposed to love your husband when marriage is hard?
Every marriage goes through ups and downs. Sometimes it seems like you are on a rollercoaster. The highs are incredible, but the lows are heartbreaking.
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The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13:4, “Love is patient and kind.” In verse 8, “Love never fails.” But, sometimes, it feels like your love is really being put to the test!
Why is marriage hard?
Marriage is hard because we are two imperfect people. That’s it. After everything is said and done, we are two imperfect people who have decided to spend the rest of our lives together.
When you first met your husband, I bet you would have been willing to do anything for him, am I right? You looked past his flaws and the little things he did that bugged you. Now those little things have turned into huge thorns that poke the happiness and peace in your marriage.
The truth is neither one of us is perfect. We both do and say things that bug or hurt the other, not necessarily on purpose. However, it seems like once we get married, we relax and eventually stop doing the things that made us fall in love in the first place.
How to survive hard times in marriage
I’ve been married for right at 30 years now. My husband and I have had our share of ups and downs. I’ve talked to several other women who have shared their marriage struggles.
From my personal experience, I have relied on my faith and prayer to keep my heart focused on making my marriage work during hard times. For example, I began praying War Room Prayers over my marriage after watching The War Room.
Surviving hard times in your marriage is not easy. Maybe your husband has betrayed your trust with lies or other women. Perhaps you don’t feel like you are being heard, and your feelings don’t matter. Or his friends and hobbies are taking all of his time.
Honestly, there are several reasons your marriage may be having a hard time. If you want to find a reason to be frustrated with your husband and unhappy in your marriage, you can find one.
Your marriage may be stormy today, but it doesn’t have to stay that way because if God can do what you can’t.Tweet
The good news is that it may be stormy today, but it doesn’t have to stay this way. Your tears and frustrations don’t have to take over and be a daily way of living. There is hope for any marriage that is struggling.
Bible verses for a struggling marriage
When your marriage is struggling, it is easy to focus on what is wrong. But it is vitally important to stop and listen to God and ask Him for guidance. The Bible is God’s living, breathing word, and we can trust every word, even when our marriage is struggling.
God has quite a lot to say about love and marriage and how we treat each other. I’ve come to depend on several verses to help me when my marriage has struggled. I’m sure you have your own go-to verses, but here are some that may help.
- 1 Peter 4:8 ~ Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.
- Colossians 3:14 ~ And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 ~ Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
- Ephesians 5:25 ~ Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
- Ephesians 5:33 – However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
- Mark 10:6-9 – But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
- Romans 8:28 – And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
- Isaiah 43:2 – When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.
- 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 – For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
Can God heal my struggling marriage?
YES!!! God can absolutely heal, redeem and restore your marriage! My marriage is living proof that God can do this! Although I won’t go into details, I will tell you we have been through the good, the bad, and the ugly! But, today, we are better than ever, thanks to God’s amazing grace and the power of prayer.
Marriages struggle because of so many things. Alcohol and/or drug abuse, adultery, gambling, pride, pornography, selfishness, and so many other things can turn our hearts cold toward our spouse and make us feel like there is no hope. Maybe you are in a place where you just want to give up.
I promise you there is hope! I vividly remember walking through that valley of complete brokenness and thinking this was it. Our marriage was over. There was no way we could survive this.
But dear friend, I can tell you with all certainty that God is able! So Jesus tells us in Matthew 19:26, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Not some things, not the easy-to-fix things, but ALL things!
Don’t give up! Let me just say that if you are being abused or in fear, that is different. God never meant for you to be abused, and if that is your situation, I strongly encourage you to get help!
Also, I completely understand the heartache and pain of finding out your husband has been unfaithful. God allows us to leave a marriage when one spouse has been unfaithful.
However, I know God can heal, redeem and restore broken people and broken marriages. It is challenging to keep loving someone who seemingly doesn’t love you. It is hard to forgive when the person you love hurts you the most.
Sometimes love is a choice we make. If you want healing and restoration for your marriage, you must pray. You have to trust God that He can do what you can’t.
Maybe you don’t feel like you love your husband today. Perhaps you don’t think you can forgive him for all the pain he has caused you. Or, you don’t think you can ever trust him again.
Yes, I know what you are thinking. I trust God to fix our marriage, but my husband has free will, and what if he doesn’t want to? What if what I see with my eyes doesn’t match what God says in the Bible?
Dear friend, that’s where faith and prayer come in! Your husband has free will, but God can melt the coldest heart. Maybe you are praying and trusting God, but you do not see any signs of your prayers working. That’s when you remember, “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1
The Bible says, “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6&7
Download and print off this 30-day Prayers for My Marriage calendar. Commit these verses to memory, write them on the tablet of your heart and pray for your marriage. Then, pray for your husband like you had never before and leave it in God’s hands. He can do what we cannot.
Please share this post to help other women struggling in their marriages, and don’t forget to pray for them.
Having a ministry to women whose loved ones struggle with addiction and life controlling behaviors, I see many struggling marriages. Thank you for this helpful blog for women who need to pray for their husbands.
Great words of advice and I love all the scripture references. I have been married 37 years this year and it has been ups and down. We determined early on in our marriage to fight to keep it alive. Besides anchoring it in Christ, we have date night at least once a month. And we have some occasional alone time apart. My husband golfs and I go for pedicures. Thanks for sharing
Such thoughtful and practical wisdom! As someone who has also been married for over thirty years, I am a testimony that God can restore and redeem the broken places in your marriage if you both turn to Him.
You know that we all know none of us are perfect, but reading it as the reason why marriage is hard is such an eye-opener. It means that no matter what, we’ll need to pray and work and trust God in our marriages. It will never be perfect but God covers us. Thanks for this message and the verses!
Such great encouragement for any stage we may find ourselves in our marriage. Thanks for the insightful printable too Karen!
Marriage is very hard but so rich and rewarding when we let God walk us through it. God has completely healed my marriage and I am eternally grateful to Him …
Wow! This is great encouragement for the brittleness of any close relationshop and so well written… ie. The thorns that prick our peace and grace.
I love those verses and how you use them to prove your point! So good! Thanks for writing this!
Such a needed post and resources. Many struggle with heartache in their marriages. Thanks for making this all available.
Marriage truly is full of ups and downs, but love is a choice that anyone in a relationship can make to keep things going.
I’ve been married for 15 years now. We’ve definitely had difficult times because, like you stated, we are both imperfect. I praise God for how far we’ve come. I wholeheartedly agree with your statement about how God can do what we can’t!
This is a fabulous post on how to pray for my husband when marriage is hard. I have been married for 20 years and like you, I go to my war room prayers for keeping my marriage strong! Thank you for this free printable of scriptures and prayer for my marriage. This is such a fabulous resource.